Nothing To Fear, But Fear Itself

"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and spiders." - Franklin D. Roosevelt addresses a fearful nation.

Oh my brothers and sisters let me tell you,

For the most part, Americans are a simple folk who get up and go to work, eat their dinners, watch TV and go to bed. As I have witnessed, the problem that Americans seem to share is the 'watch TV' part of their day. This terrible habit of theirs has risen to define their national character... a character bordered on all sides by fear!

American televisions are veritable fountains of fear. From the endless supply of crime shows to ominous howling of the 24-hour news stations, there is no end of fear to be delivered and consumed. In the place of entertainment, the networks strive to retain their viewership through fear alone. Fear has taken the place of comedy, drama, education, artistry and all manner of other things that once kept the American public entertained. Nightly, these streams of fear tell Americans of the new horrors they must take with themselves to bed. Without hope of debate, the vile boxes are switched off, Americans slip into bed, mingling their dreams with a fresh new load of ghastly fears to which they were oblivious the night before.

For over a decade I have observed Americans up close. They come into work, fresh from a night full of frightful dreams... and I have learned to enjoy engaging them about the common fears of the day. When I had finally heard enough, oh my brothers and sisters, I started to create this site. As your humble friend and narrator, I will keep this site consistent with rules of my own device... to guide me while gilding this large undertaking. After all, satire (and it is satire) cannot be lawless. The rules, humbly submitted, are as follows:

1. Posts to Things Americans Fear must have been fear-mongered by at least one major American news source and/or a branch of the US government.
   
2. Posts on Things Americans Fear entries must have caused panic in the hearts of at least a third of the US population (my guess as to the percentage must be accepted as fact... for satirical purposes).
   
3. Entries on this site must be things which Americans fear and are demonstrably not feared by people of (most) other nations.
   
4. All the fears on this site must be arguably irrational fears.
   

These are a lot of rules, oh my faithful readers and I expect that you may remind me, should I take license to stray from them. I shall do my best to serve.

And now, without delay; on to the fear!!!
Sir Robyn

PREVIOUS Welcome to Things Americans Fear!!!

TRANSLATIONS | Нечего бояться, кроме самого страха | Nincs mitől félni csak magától a félelemtől | 没什么可怕的，可怕的只是恐惧本身 |

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