"Frankly my Dear Scarlett, I don't give a fuck!" - Rhett Butler
Oh my friends,
I am here to tell you that nothing is so scary to an American as words they deem unclean. You would think that the stars would cease to hang in the sky and the sun would forever hide its warmth from the Americas if they were to chance hear these deadly unclean words. Shit, piss, cunt, fuck... oh I can barely type the words they fear, lest an unfortunate American passing by might oversee my screen and fall dead to the ground, a victim of my telling of tales.
Despite having a constitutional that decries freedom of speech, Americans have forged for themselves a bypass to disallow speech that might contain the unclean words. They call it the FCC, a wondrous group of fearful fucks who take their queues from a single solitary lobby group, the Parents Television Council (PTC). The PTC reminds Americans how congress skirted the US constitution in 1934 to create the 'Communications Act' in an effort to prevent unclean words from striking the virginal ears of frightened Americans.
Claiming over a million members (to which I call "Bullshit!") the PTC have been the thorny whip-wielding riders of the FCC, citing that protection of the virginal ears of their children superceeds any silly constitutional amendment or basic human right to freedom of speech. The battles rage in the US courts to this very day. To my friends and welcomed readers I say that I hope you did not find this particular posting fearful. To the PTC and their lapdog FCC, I say "Fuck you guys!"
The FCC is not alone in their fight to spare American ears from the indignity of unclean words. A 'self governing' body known as the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) leads the front with their clever methods for censoring movies. Alas my brothers, I shall never have the gift to lampoon the MPAA with the force of wit used by the creators of South Park.
In the South Park universe, my imaginary countrymen, Terrence and Philip, enrage Americans and the MPAA with fart jokes and foul language. An exasperated America, fueled by the fear of these terrible words, declares war on Canada. Can this movie be too far from actual American sentiment? Methinks not.
Enjoy a clip of profanity in action!
'Til the next time I speak,
Sir Robyn
I am an American student, who often travels abroad and in fact I am right now in Russia. Your website, albeit humorous, is yet again just one more addition to the collection of reasons why Americans have some disdain for non-Americans. We are a myriad of colorful, intellectual and often misunderstood people ( as I have discovered every nation to be) and you speak as if know us all so well. You in fact, do not. I am offended by your writings of us, but here in America, we would grant you the freedom of speech however rude it may be. I am glad to see that you don't appear to write anymore, and I hope it is due to your recognition of how truly silly and unnecessary your trivial literary fodder is.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Anonymous. I'm sorry if my writing has smacked you with an "anti-American" sentiment. This site was and is meant as satire... and I wrote it for an American audience of friends (Republican and Democrat) who loved it. I haven't added to it lately because I'm writing several other things that are decidedly not satirical. Accept my apologies if you took it in the wrong way... I promise to continue to improve on my writing.
ReplyDelete-Sir Robyn
Anonymous may be colourful, intellectual and misunderstood but he/she is yet to master the concept of 'humour'.
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say Sir Robin, you're doing something right once you start attracting haters!
Love this blog! <3