Foreign Languages

The famed Rosetta Stone was critical of Americans two millenia before they existed.

Hola mis amigos!

I'll start this entry with an American joke... which is undoubtedly of some 'liberal' origin (entry for Liberals coming soon), that goes like this:
Q: Why were foreign languages invented?
A: So that people can talk about Americans behind their backs.

Well this entry is probably of no surprise to anyone who has encountered an American abroad. Whenever and wherever I travel, I get reassuring preparatory advice from Americans that everyone (absolutely everyone) in every country speaks fluent English. This advice spurs my confidence and consoles me that I won't end up in a French cafe being quite unable to procure a cup of coffee.

Of course we know that this is not true. From French cafes to German hardware stores to Israeli car rental companies, the world is chock FULL of people who understand little more English than "Hello" and "Goodbye". Humans are resourceful creatures and even in the absence of a common language, we still manage to procure, French coffee, German hardware and Israeli rental cars for ourselves when we put out minds to it.

I am loath to criticize the American tourist, however, as they are the bravest among their people. At least they put themselves out in the world to learn first hand that some people simply can't (or secretly refuse) to speak English. No, my friends the fearful Americans are the ones who stay in America and distrust and fear those who bring foreign tongues to American shores.

A fearful American will tell you that foreign languages have no place in this country. Forget that America was first settled by an aboriginal people with a multitude of over 50 distinct languages. Forget that the first Europeans to settle the United States spoke Dutch. Forget that the most commonly spoken language in the United States is English. The fearful American will tell you that in America, people should speak American!

It's difficult for the whole world to learn to speak American. I can attest to this personally. Even as an English-speaking Canadian, I've had a hard time abandoning my native 'eh?' or resisting references to the letter 'zed'. It is so much easier to get by in this country by dawning a fake American accent. For those that wish to attempt to speak American, however, I recommend a Californian accent over any other. You see, though Americans prefer you to speak American, if you mistakenly adopt a hint of their accent... they will think you are mocking them.

It is hard to please the fearful.

Adiós a mis hermanos y hermanas,
Sir Robyn

References:

• A possible cure (not endorsed by Sir Robyn)? - http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?SDID=2070:1925
• Xenoglossophobia in action - http://www.nydailynews.com/latino/2007/03/14/2007-03-14_speaking_in_tongues.html