Shoes

"Please remove your suspected weapons of mass destruction and
place them in the basket." - TSA Agent

Oh my brothers and sisters take care,

There is no doubt that the terrorist hijackings of 9/11 were certainly a terrible thing. The organization made to feel most guilty about the success of the attacks was an American governmental organization called the Transportation Security Administration, or the TSA. Like the goalie in a hockey game, if a terrorist was to find himself all monkey-bar trained and ready to hijack a plane without any scrutiny from the NSA, CIA, DoD, FBI, or local police, then they still have to get their operatives past the TSA to carry out their foul deed.

Apparently, this is pretty easy to do. So far, 20 out of 20 foreign terrorists have passed through TSA checkpoints without any trouble at all (save the annoyance we all experience). In the history of the TSA, they have managed to detain a total of ZERO (0) terrorists. The only foreign terrorist ever to be captured in the US was a religious asshole named Richard Colvin Reid, a.k.a. the shoe bomber, who was subdued by fellow passengers while trying to ignite a small quantity of explosives in his shoe.

I've wondered for some time how it might actually be possible for the TSA to determine if someone is a terrorist, when it seems that they are completely unable to determine if someone is NOT a terrorist. So far, terrorists have been undetectable to them and now they have been given the task of harassing everyone else in the name of "safety" when they have repeatedly proved that they are perfectly incapable of protecting anyone from anything.

Oh my friends, if you are ever so unfortunate as to travel through an American airport you will see the fearful Americans dutifully line up and present their shoes for inspection by the TSA. I never thought I'd live to see those red, white and blue waving, liberty-loving Americans, take off half their clothes and submit to a genital fondling by $12-an-hour federal employee... but this happens thousands of times a day, every day in the United States and if you visit the US, this will happen to you too!

So to the TSA, I say this: If a foreign terrorist is so cunning as to be able to outwit the NSA, FBI, CIA, DHS and local law enforcement, they are certainly going to outwit you. To my American brothers and sisters, do not fear. A bomb in a shoe will blow off the foot of the shoe bomber, but it won't destroy an aircraft. Shoes, however fashionable, can not be made into WMD's.

Your friend and assuring voice of reason,
Sir Robyn