Terrorists

Religious assholes in the process of ruining EVERYONE'S day. Sept 11, 2001.

Here is a tale of woe my friends,

Before I begin you are probably thinking to yourself, "Jesus, Sir Robyn!!! Terrorists ARE scary and MUST be feared! Fearing terrorists is not an irrational fear at all! It's not only Americans fear them! We all fear them!" To this I say, "Take a knee my brothers and bestill your hearts." Let me explain.

On that terrible September 11th morning, I was awoken just in time to see flight 175 hit the second tower above. I saw people jumping to their deaths. I watched the buildings collapse and blow billowing smoke and debris through the city. For days, which became weeks and then months, I watched the news stations add more and more scrolling feeds to repeat the tragedy of this day. Oh my brothers, how I cried. I cried for all humanity.

"How could anyone commit such a terrible crime", I wondered. Who would do such a thing and how many of them were there? What would they target next? Was anyone safe from such diabolical intent? Was this the end of the peaceful life I'd lived up to now?

As the story unfolded, here is what I learned. A well funded group of bandits in Afghanistan, who were formerly assembled and funded by the US government under the Reagan administration, had grown weary and complacent having long since thrown off the shackles of Russian communism. Under the tutelage of Osama bin Laden, they were looking for fresh blood. In the absence of big mean Communists, the US makes an excellent runner-up foe and the wheels of vengeance are set in motion.

Where did fear become irrational fear?

Well the news agencies did their part. It took them over a month to report that Osama bin Laden and al Qaida was behind the attack. Damn our news agencies suck. It took even longer for the US to mount a 'counter attack', which was half-hearted at best, poorly aimed, and of course failed to hit the target. 8 years later Osama still has his own TV show and if I'm not mistaken, was on Leno last week.

The US government told the American people that they were constantly under the threat of terrism. Americans were told that this omnipresent enemy was living among them in sleeper cells preparing for the next strike! They were told that future attacks would make 9/11 look insignificant in proportion. Then there was anthrax in the mail. They were told to buy plastic sheets and duct tape to prepare for a chemical or biological attack. Oh my brothers, if the only thing between you and destruction was a roll of duct tape... you might be fearful too.

Consider this, however;

Despite all the ominous warnings of wily terrorists and imminent attacks, there has been neither a successful strike nor a close call in the United States since 9/11. The reasonable -- but rarely heard -- explanation is that there are no terrorists within the United States, and few have the means or the inclination to strike from abroad. - John Mueller, Council on Foreign Relations

If there are no domestic terrorists in the United States, why do Americans continue to fear them? Surely any sleeper cells living among us would have awakened by now, with Iraq and Afghanistan having been laid low for antagonizing the United States.

I think that in this case, it is safe to say that we can blame the 4 hours of daily television that Americans receive. Will an American news agency say, "This is bullshit! Turn off your TV and get on with your lives!"? No of course they won't. They report, "This is something you should fear! Now watch these commercials and we will give you the details after the break."

Is there any hope for a brave American in light of this kind of brainwashing, my friends? To this I say, "No". But let their fears entertain us, since they serve no other purpose. For Americans who might be reading this post, I'm sure that only a trained therapist can counteract the countless hours of television you've consumed, but take these points to bed with you and ruminate if you will.

1. There are no terrorists living in the United States. There have been no attacks, there have been no arrests. NO ARRESTS! The CIA, FBI, NSA, DHS, INS, IRS, TSA, and every police force and security company in the USA have not found a single terrorist. Some of these agencies have smart people. There are no terrorists.
   
2. The number of terrorists (complete with monkeybar training) living abroad number less than 10,000 by CIA estimates, only a handful of which could dream of affording a plane ticket to an American destination. They are more likely to show up at meetings, shout praises to Allah and bring goat cheese for afterward than actually participate in anything terroristy.
   
3. There are no terrorists in Canada. Fox News and some Democrat bitch have announced that there are sleeper cells in Canada. Canadian mounties caught one group of religous assholes that were up to no good in Toronto. That was it. Canada has mounties... it's hard to be a bad guy with mounties on the job.
   
4. None of the "terrorist nations" have the means to launch a WMD at the united states. North Korea can hit South Korea, though they only need a catapult for that. Iran could maybe hit Israel, if they were lucky, on their best day. No one else with such terrible intent has the means to do much of anything.
   

Sleep sound my American brothers and sisters,
Sir Robyn